Fallin'

I fell this way again and I don't know why. Maybe it's because he's not around, maybe it's because life seems different now that I've come home. I want to wake up and be beautiful. I know it won't happen, and I have started this vicious cycle of restraint, overeating, feeling more lousey about myself and restraining even more. I am determined to lose it all this time.

But why?

I have friends and a boy and a family who love me. I do well for myself. I have done wonderful things.

So why?

I look in the mirror and hate what I see. I thought I was over this. I thought I had gained control. Or maybe I lost it and I am trying to get it back.

I will be in control.