Somewhere Out There

Originally Posted 5/29/07.

So, I know, I have pinched the hose of posts, so now that it is unkinked, lots are pouring out.

This weekend was full of mind boggling insanity. Amsterdam is the most pathetic and ridiculous city I have ever seen, yet I had so much fun there.

We caught a the first train out early Saturday morning, without an idea of where we would stay or what we would do when we got there. I had a hostel in mind that I'd hoped would come through for us, which in the end it did, but not without having us jump through flaming hoops while riding tricycles in middle of a swimming pool.

We arrive at Bob's door, smiles on faces, only to be pushed back out with, "We have nothing currently, check back after 11. You can always go to the tourist center." Panic attack #1. So we hiked back to the tourist center and waited with #488838383822, got up to the desk and found out no hostels had anything available AT ALL! Panic attack #2. We got some brochures about campsites, unfortunate that we didn't have tents. We marched back to Bob's hoping that maybe it would come through for us....come on Bob.....and we squatted at the front door until just before 11. Sam got the first spot in line while I watched the bags outside and met several other Americans in a similar predicament. We almost all rented a cabin together.

Hurrah for us, we got two beds.....and found out what Bob's really had in store. Apparently it is common in Amsterdam to have some weed with your eggs in the morning.

Two guys from Georgia thought it would be fun to pal around together in the city, but this only lasted through the Anne Frank House before we had to ditch them. The one that walked with me most of the way was quite nerdy but also very normal and nice; seemed like someone I would be friends with back home, but the other, who called himself Memphis, annoyed Sam with all his "knowledge of everything in the known world" to the point that I am glad their were no tailpipes around for her to suck on.

After a ton of walking, two small panic attacks by me, and meeting then escaping two guys, we unloaded our stuff at Bob's and quickly learned to wear shoes all the time and to not question all the bleached spots on the sheets.

Oh, and climbing these stairs with our backpacks and such, we might as well have been spawning salmon.

After some relaxation and a careful escape without being spotted by boys from Georgia, we went to the Van Gogh museum, which would have been nice if I had wanted to stare at people's shoulder blades all day, but the crushing crowds and the stupid "headset tour" were huge disappointments. Honestly, do people need to listen to the art, because I am pretty sure the history of each painting is printed on its label and would take only ten seconds to read instead of wasting three minutes of every ones time while you have someone tell you about it while you stare at a painting more famous than Michael Jackson, only to realize that you entered the wrong number and you are listening to the next paintings blurb instead. It was a nightmare.

I am happy I saw the paintings, but the experience, to put it crudely, sucked.

We stayed in the first night, exhausted from walking all day and discouraged by a cold rain, but the next day we decided to visit the redlight. On our way, we stopped into the sex museum. This is me with a friend I met there:

It was a very tacky museum, but interesting. The redlight was just depressing with girls as young as 16 waving to 60 year old men to come their way for a good time.

Also true about Amsterdam: the city is completely green. I am pretty sure it is the biggest tourist trap this side of Disneyworld. In fact, I am pretty convinced no Dutch actually live there, they just leave it to the foreign stoners and sex hounds. There were big groups of men everywhere we went. But there really are coffee shops everywhere. The smell is really just sickening.

You can tell this is a man's city. Yes that is an open air urinal on the street corner.

We did find some good foods though. There were these corner bakeries everywhere, and they all sold the same thing, including these thick sugary waffles dipped in chocolate. We also hate giant Dutch pancakes, mine with bacon and cheese, but they were so rich and so huge that we couldn't finish them and just picked at each other's for a different flavor.

We did make it to the Heineken Brewery. That was crazy, and I am pretty sure my dad would have loved it. They have made it into an amusement ride where you don't actually tour the brewery at all, but you get to go inside some kettles and watch videos on the making of beer and ride little virtual rides.

The only downside for me is that we had to down three beers while there. I was fine for the first, but the last two were very difficult. I really have not found a beer I can say I enjoy. They did give us nifty bottle openers though.

We decided to try the nightlife, and found a nice pub to wander into. What did we find but a whole team of English footballers (soccer players :) ) and possibly a famous British actor named Danny Dyer. We didn't have our cameras, but I think they took plenty of pictures. Most of these were of Sam's chest when she wasn't looking, and some when she was, and she knows now not to wear a lower cut shirt out around here. Many of these guys were nice, but there were two very annoying ones (they were taking the pictures) that I am glad I stayed away from. However, sitting on the end, I accidentally attracted a persistent Hungarian that insisted that I drink and dance with him....He even told me I had beautiful eyes in Hungarian to try to get me to dance with him. He was also creepy and about 40, so I just looked to a Brit to save me and ended up having great conversation about British television. The "actor" was very calm, and I think his friends were sad that we weren't hanging all over him and freaking out that he was this Dyer person. We were thoroughly disturbed when we saw grandmas dancing on the tables and doing chest shots with the footballers, and we knew it was time to flee when two beers and a candle were spilled all over our laps by a drunkard in a superman suit. All together, a good night I think.

We shopped and took our last pictures Monday morning before coming home to actually get things done. The getting things done part was foiled on my end because I lost my travel partner for the rest of the trip, but I hope to figure out how to travel alone soon so that I can still see Paris and Rome. Plus, I am homeless for a week at the end, so I have to figure out something. Anyone know someone to visit in Europe, let me know.

Anyway, that ends my weekend. I am glad we went, but it is not a city I would like to stay in very long.

I am making it a tradition however to find a Dana establishment everywhere I go because I happened upon one this time too. Plus, it sells falafel. So much fun to say......